I didn’t really expect too much when i turned 40 this Thursday. I’ve been through more than a few of these’ landmark ‘ dates in my life and except in retrospect I don’t see much change between Jason on September 22 and September 23. Of course in a real sense everything changes, all the time, birthday or no and you only need to sit for a while letting the white noise settle down to see and feel that. However I didn’t wake up with extra gray hair on my balls or a new backache that wasn’t there yesterday. So buddhism aside I felt like pretty much the same guy who went to bed when I woke up the next morning.
But as numbers go 40 seems to be a big deal to a lot of people. Due to my big baby head and propensity for dressing like a 15-year-old skater I’ve been getting the amazed “I never would have guessed you were that old” thing for years. If i wore a suit everyday or had non-infantile features I’m sure this wouldn’t be the case. but being 40 seems to set off a signal in people’s brains that I should be looking or acting in some way that my current mode is clearly at odds with. maybe I’m supposed to be more conservative, I dunno, I’ve always seen that sort of outlook as symptomatic of living in a great deal of fear of the world and I didn’t suddenly get a whole lot more of that overnight.
I did get breakfast in bed (with bananas arranged to form a 40 on my pancakes 🙂 and I did get to eat dinner at the fabulous Salt of the Earth Restaurant with some very good friends. I got a great phone call from my dad where he mentioned that his own father had died when my dad was only 31 and I was struck by how grateful I was that my own pop got to see me make it this far. So maybe there has been a change, now I’m grateful for what Ive been given. I have always been a lucky person, but like most folks i spent a great deal of my life feeling like all these wonderful things Ive been given were not enough, were not the right things, were not delivered in the right way. I wasted a lot of time that i could have spent enjoying everything that life was trying to show me. These days i get it, i see it, Im surrounded by reminders that each unique moment is a little present and that only an asshole demands more of the universe than this amazing experience.
Thanks everyone, for everything.