I should really be sleeping.
Its so late that its become early.
I should really be sleeping. i have to get up early and do a three way call with the retarded ass phone company so we can keep the same phone number for Black Cat as we had for Eye Candy. Its one of the last things to do to get the shop fully transformed into my baby.
The other thing Im doing tomorrow is handing Brian more money than ive ever had at one time in my life, Im stoked! Its funny, the amount of money we are talking about really isnt shit, but its still a lot to a guy like me. I mean you couldn’t even buy a halfway decent used car, but Ive lived so much of my life being broke that somethings just seem like a fantasy to me these days when money is involved. People actually buy cars and houses? Fuck, some people even buy jet planes and picassos!? It blows my mind, i think i would be terrified to wake up and have that kind of loot at my disposal. Literally terrified.
So tommorrow im buying the shop, it wasnt exactly the way i planned on owning a shop or the timing I would have chosen but so much of life is like that that. The ‘perfect’ moment never comes, so we deal with this moment instead, whatever it brings. And it wont be perfect and it and you will never have all your plans in perfect order, but somehow you get through.
When i found out about this whole deal i was nowhere near ready to make the kind of commitment that I have and yet I somehow knew that if i bore down and kept my head in reality that i would pull it off. Even if i get hit by a bus tomorrow or the place closes in a week (heaven forbid!) I could go out happy with the knowledge that I saved all the money i needed, that I organised the website, the bills transfers, the information, and all without having made one enemy, without having burned one bridge, and without having let down any of my morals.
I remain more convinced than ever that having the right intention and motivation and concentration will work miracles in our lives. The biggest one might just be that you see these ordinary, everyday blessings as miracles! I dont need the hand of god to descend from the clouds and pat me on my head to feel like im being taken care of, all i have to do is look around my world, to realise that Im a really lucky guy. I feel so sorry for people who let the stupidest things ruin their world. I also feel a little angry at them, unfortunately.
Stuck in traffic? got a douche for a boy/girlfriend? your boss a jerk? These things seem so terrible to people! well, i try to always remember that I was one of the lucky minority who were born into the wealthy western world, that I dont have family members killed by tribal conflict, diseases that are easily curable or that i dont have to walk 5 miles for clean water or live on subsistence farming. If you are reading this then the chances are you are blessed with a life that the majority of the worlds inhabitants cant even imagine. The worst day of my life probably looks like heaven for a million people living lives I couldn’t hack for a day let alone 50 or 60 years.
I dont feel guilty in some politically correct form of self-hating penance. Im just awake to the facts of my life and the world; and it helps me to keep everything in perspective. I want Black Cat tattoos to succeed and I will try my hardest to make it happen, but if it doesn’t ill always have my awareness of how little that failure really means in the rest of the world.
Ive been blessed with some extra fun customers lately and I feel like Ive started to get better again after a month or so of plateauing. Tomorrow Im going to be mad at myself for not sleeping, but its still going to be a kick ass day!
My soon to be co-worker, Cara, has been really stepping up her game. She tattooed some blue whales on a co-workers girlfriend and I have to admit that when i saw the healed product I was surprised and impressed!I hate to sound like a know it all, but something about her made me believe she was gonna rock from the first.
We were talking today about our relationship, not in a serious way but just how our way of dealing with each other is so gentle. There are plenty of disagreements and some little arguing but it seems to last like 10 minutes and then its over. For the first time in my life Im with someone who when we do disagree take the time to try to understand my point of view, honestly, and it makes a world of difference! In return I try to do the same and always remember that this is a real live human being with her own hopes, dreams, feelings, and hormones just like me and it really keeps me from letting my ego get in the way of an honest relationship. I feel like Cara is a not ‘just’ my girlfriend and the love of my life, but a partner, and equal in every sense of the word, someone who challenges me to be the best version of Jason i can be, its inspiring and liberating in a way that words cant convey.
Did i mention im a really lucky guy?