The really strange thing about life to me is that, when i let it be what it wants to be it always seems to take a form that is really all that i could ask for. So often i can look back on moments in my life that were uncomfortable, painful, or simply humiliating and in hindsight they end up having been the catalyst for all kinds of awesome shit happening down the road. I cant think of one thing that has occurred in my life that did not, sooner or later, end up being a positive benefit. Maybe ive just been lucky, but i vividly remember watching the documentary “murderball” about a guy who was hurt in a car wreck and became a paraplegic and then subsequently as wheelchair rugby champion. And this cat says right to the camera, ‘this is the best thing that could ever have happened to me. If I could I wouldn’t change a single thing about my life’. If that guy can see it, then maybe I’m not just fooling myself either.
Through meditation and simply trying to be present in the moment it seems like the lag between me experiencing something (karma) and my realising the reality of it is shrinking. Now instead of needing 4 years to see the way that lifes ‘bad luck’ was really beneficial, it takes a day or two at most. Im hoping that by the time i keel over I can experience that action AND percieve it realistically at the same time.
The early Chan (as Zen was known in China before it made its way to Japan) guys always describe the ideal ‘way’ as being a ‘mirror to the world’. For the long time I struggled to come to terms with that phrase. Did it mean to see the world and then react the same way? did it mean to be passive and simply observe? what I think has finally sunk into my thick head is the realization that to be a ‘mirror to the world’ simply means to be one with it as it really is. To get out of my own way and simply let the world and my actions and reactions in it to unfold naturally without trying to control the uncontrollable or lamenting the unchangeable. Similarly i used to think the Chan phrase “Wu Wei”, which means ‘the art of doing nothing’, meant to kick back and not act until action was effective. To some degree that is true, but in a deeper sense I now believe that it means to act without ulterior motives, to move with the flow of the world and not in an effort to make that flow go where and how I want it to.
Sounds trippy and wacky, but only because my poor ability with words fails to convey the multiple layers that are easily felt intuitively, but nearly impossible to nail down into concrete words. Its actually way less complicated than my former way of living and thinking was.
Anyhow, enough with the mumbo jumbo. News and pics of the Tattoo Convention soon, im just too pooped to write it all down tonight.