Progress report

There is something about a bicycle that encourages me to try things I never would before. From the moment I climbed onto the saddle and gave it that first push a part of my brain that had been asleep for years woke up and said ” HEY! lets go further! lets go faster! lets go harder!”  I was hopelessly out of shape, (I’m still out of shape, but now not hopelessly so) and yet the third day I owned my new bike I decided to ride 10 miles. In Pittsburgh this leaves you with two choices; the first is to ride in a circuit that is relatively flat, it ends up being fairly boring to see the same sights over and over every 5 minutes, but at least you are not climbing some monster hill. The other choice is to bike the hills as they come, and lord let me tell you, they do come.

So on that day I took a route which was basically downhill all the way to a trail the city had thoughtfully provided out of an old railroad route, since it runs past the city jail its called the jail trail. My legs did fine the whole way there, but my lungs and heart protested at these new demands almost immediately, “fuck you guys” I thought, and rode. Now, even the most basic of minds can grasp that when you go down hill a bunch that eventually. . . probably soon. . .you will have to go up hill quite a lot too. And i did. Long gradual hills that sapped me with every pedal stroke, and 30 degree monsters that loomed over and laughed at the fat ass and his puny gears, even the granny gear was like trying to run a marathon on your knees. . hopeless.

Twice I stopped on the way home, my chest on fire, my lungs heaving, a dull throbbing ache in my head that I realised was my poor heart struggling to keep oxygen going to my atrophied arteries and muscles. I sat next to my bike and wondered what the fuck was wrong with me!? Why would I subject myself to this, I’m an old fat guy, I should give up, I should accept the fact that Ive decided to be smart and funny and NOT athletic a bit. In fact Ive spent a good part of my adult life mocking physical accomplishments! I recently even had the terrible realization that I had not actually run in years. . .did I even know how anymore?

But I was in the middle of nowhere and nothing motivates you like the lack of choices, so I got on again and rode toward home. One more time on that first big ride I had to dismount and walk up a steep-as-fuck hill , and not that anyone gave a shit what I was doing,  but as the cars drove past me I had the unbidden thought “man, I hope they think I have a flat” and took some solace in the fact that Id only ever seen bikes being walked up this particular hill. . .

That was a month ago. I’ve probably put a hundred miles on my bike since then, which is not really a lot to some folks, but I can already see and feel the difference. A couple days ago I rode an even longer circuit around the city. I took leisurely detours just to look at areas I had never seen when I wasn’t zooming past in a car at 30 miles per hour, I rode in the mix with downtown traffic, slamming on my breaks and my back tire skidding in that satisfying way to dodge cars and buses, I hit the jail trail from town back toward those same long climbs and the sudden behemoth hill between me and home. I didn’t stop where I had the first time, I was sapped, but my body wasn’t about to collapse anymore, I stood up on the pedals and powered through the last of the tiny rise, past the rock I sat on and wanted to give up. I was breathing hard and my thighs ached but I didn’t stop because I didn’t need to anymore. In a month my body had become better and I knew it. When I got to the monster hill I had recovered a little so I stood on the petals again and crushed as much as I could, about halfway up my gas ran out and I had to stop. I was huffing like a freight train but there was none of that feeling of “I think I’m about to have a stroke”  that usually happens when I do anything more strenuous than opening a jar of pickles. I looked back and there was another guy at the bottom of the hill walking his bike. I drank some water, let my breathing get closer to normal, got on again before he was even close to me and rode the rest of the way up. I secretly loved that guy in that moment.

I was so fucking proud of myself. I rode to the  Starbucks Cara works at and sat there sweating and grinning and I just wanted to tell everyone, “Hey i just rode 15 miles!” or “Didja know there is a riverfront trail from the strip district to downtown?” or “I almost made it all the way up Neville from Panther hollow!” Then I took a shower and rode to work.

How fucking  COOL is that!? I did all this before work!

I wanted to go right back out again. I always do on my bike, I want to go so far that people who don’t ride bikes will either be amazed or think I’m lying whenI tell them i rode 10 or 15 or 20 miles today. I want to push the envelope of my body because it is at such a great pushable state. At their peak, a professional racer can shave seconds off their time, they can add to their endurance times in minutes. Me? I can shave my bike commute to work time in half, I can double or triple my ability to go without stopping, I can and will climb those giant hills, at the end of a ride, in the heat and I will do them without stopping. I can feel it getting nearer, and the more I notice how much better I feel the more I want it.

When I bought my bike I thought only in terms of convenience, of riding to work or to the store. I never would have guessed that a simple machine would do what no amount of self-loathing or advice from friends or even common sense had done for me and that is to motivate me to push further, faster, and harder.

Feets Ahoy

So we tattooed Caras foot the other day, she wanted to keep this design very traditional. Some of the first pictures of tattooed people feature some amazing tattoos done simply and with bold graphic style, we tried to capture this same thing in her tattoo. The only color was a tiny bit of brown in the sails. Cara took it like a champ as always.

Human Endeavor

In rare moments there comes along a human action that is so unique, so astounding that it seems like it is impossible. For decades the common wisdom held that man could not run the mile faster than 4 minutes. And for decades no one did, then one day in 1954 Roger Bannister did the mile in 3 minutes and 59 seconds. After that the 4 minute mile was routinely broken and the number has been getting pushed further and further back. The common wisdom about what was possible by a human was, in fact, wrong. All that it took for that mistake to be the “truth” was that enough people believed it was the truth, and the result was no progress for years and years. Once Bannister showed the “truth” to be mistaken, the barrier was lifted.

When you watch this video, I think you will see yet another example of what we (or at least me) thought was possible turned on its head.

This kid is fucking amazing.

Diary-esque

One of the more fun things, in a black humor sort of way, about Cara working with me now is that she gets to see how tiring tattooing really is. I always suspect that when customers come in and see me in an old t-shirt listening to the Stooges and Ladytron at work and ’sitting on my ass” all day drawing that it must be the easiest thing in the world to do. in a way it is, I suppose. After all I do love my work, but after a full day of tattooing non stop and (stupidly) not eating anything til 6pm and stopping to help customers who come in and waste my time asking if we do piercing or how many tattoos they could get for $60, its exhausting. My first job was working prep and dishwasher at a fairly busy restaurant, and that shit was no joke, but I was never as worn out from that job the way a really ballbuster of a day of tattooing gets me.

I swear it took me an hour to feel human again after work, I just wanted to curl up into a cocoon and let my brain shut off. Cara was pretty beat too, plus she had the added stress of worrying about her skill level and if she was “getting it” quickly enough. I tried to tell her once my brain turned on again that its simply one of those things that , sooner or later, clicks into place. Unfortunately, until it does you feel like you are trying to learn to ride a bike while playing the violin, its so many things to try to juggle at once. I’m proud of her for sticking with it.

I finished a piece that I’ve been working on for a couple months now, a really tough cookie and all around swell customer Lindsay got a big ass mermaid on her ribs. In a fit of true awesomeness she asked me to add some drowning sailors hands and to give her a look of sublime disregard for the hearts shes broken and ships shes sunk. It was awesome to do a mermaid as the legends describe them. . .bloodthirsty and vain! I really hate tattooing on that love-handle/waist/rib area but this particular customer made it as easy as it could be. The background clouds are supposed to represent that old sailor song about “red sky in the morning, sailor take warning. . . “

In related nautical themed news, Cara has decided on a very traditional ship for her left foot. I always get strangely proud of her when she gets really into the tradition and history of tattooing and she really wanted this tattoo to be reminiscent of the great old time tattoos the circus ladies sported at the turn of the century. We got the drawing finished and I cant wait to get it one her, Stay tuned for pictures soon!

We dropped Eddie off to get neutered yesterday. We were both pretty nervous, but the ladies at the clinic were very nice and we felt that he (and his nuts) would be in good hands. Today we went to pick him up and it was the b-team working the desk all the way. I’m just glad that this collection of bitter ex-diner waitresses and day shift strippers wasn’t manning the helm when we dropped poor Eddie off or we might have changed our minds!

"You are gonna cut off my WHAT!?"

Anyhow, the deed was done, he has some stitches and a little less weight below the belt-line now. Poor guy is all sack and no balls! We brought him to the shop today since we needed to give him some medicine at 4pm and we wanted to make sure he was ok. He did pretty good too, we had him barricaded in the drawing section and he only snuck out occasionally and didn’t bark at anyone. He just had that “Hey guys, what goin on over here!” thing that dogs have when there’s lots of people around. If there is a pack they want to be in the middle of it! We are hoping that the removal of the lads will help his urge to hump a large blue stuffed shark of his lessen and perhaps curb his sassy ‘tude as well as assorted long term health benefits.

After work and food/recovery we went to Squirrel hill to get Italian ice and while in line this lady came up with the most adorable dog, his legs were all very twisted and obviously crippled, but he walked his bow-legged walk just fine and didn’t seem to mind at all. His owner told us she had seen him at animal friends and when she found out that no one wanted him because of his birth defect she immediately fell for him and adopted him. I’m glad there are people like that in the world.I hope I’m one of them!

Unpopular things I believe

1. No tattooer can give 100% of their attention to tattooing if they drink alcohol. I dont mean during or before the tattoo, I mean ever. Alcohol is evil, plain and simple, its destructive to your mind and soul. It is the destroyer of good intention and clouds even the keenest of minds. If you damage your mind, by drink or drugs, then you are, to some degree, selling your customers short. In the same way I believe that you are also selling short your children, friends, and anyone who would benefit from you not clouding  your mind (which is everyone).

2. A gun is death incarnate. no one who has ever lived can be trusted with the power to kill simply with a twitch of their finger. I don’t know the solution, but I do know that making death so simple, quick, and easy is one of the most tragic things to ever befall us.

3. Ethnicity is a myth. Culture is an arbitrary set of patterns you were born into, it is no more “you” than which clothes you decide to wear are “you”. If you take an Eskimo and raise him in Kenya then he will behave Kenyan, if you take me and raise me in the arctic circle then I will live like an Eskimo. We become so attached to the myth of our origins that we feel we must defend them, even to the death. Its as if we fear that if we stopped reinforcing the story of our ethnicity that we wouldn’t be anything.  The truth is if we stopped believing in the myth we could then be everything.

4. We as a species, spend far far too much time making something stand for something else. We refuse to drive safe, economical, and practical vehicles if they don’t look cool. We breed dogs into vicious dangerous breeds so we can feel tough by proxy. We buy impractical, expensive clothes because a label seems to tell others that we make more money than we do. We use our political affiliation to stand in for the complex and nuanced shades that reality demands. I believe that if we were comfortable in our own skins, if we felt at one with the world we wouldn’t need anything to stand for anything else. We wouldn’t need our objects to “represent us”.

5. I believe Conan the Barbarian is the pinnacle of the filmmakers art.

6. I can see no valid argument to be a vegan. There are many good reasons to be a vegetarian, but Veganism seems to be the extreme, something done purely out of guilt or a desire to cause guilt in others. To live in the world is to exploit it in some way, even the Jains of India realise this though they seek to minimise it to a level bordering on psychotic. In the western world vegan-ism is simply a way to wag your finger at everyone else. It seeks to elevate the proclaimer while denigrating all those who have “sinned” by eating cheese or wearing wool.

7. Bikes are better than cars.

8. Everyone should have a granddad with a tattoo. i myself did not despite having a grandpa who was a naval vet of world war two. Frankly, I think he let me down by not getting my grandmas name, “Betty” on his bicep in 1944.

9. In a society we agree to certain things in order for that society to run smoothly. Not everyone can be their own farmer, doctor, construction worker, lawyer, and mechanic. We agree that some of us will do those  jobs  and others will fulfill other roles society has deemed important. In the modern world there is absolutely no valid reason why every person on this planet should not have access to health care. And for this to be an issue in the worlds wealthiest nation (us) is a disgusting travesty that history will revile us for.

10. Universal Communism has failed miserably, unrestrained capitalism has done the same. The fact that the two largest powers on the earth cling to one or the other of these failed dogmas is frightening.

Before you ask me for an apprenticeship. . .

the answer is no.

Plus, asking me via email, myspace, or phone is super duper NO.

I get asked this a lot so I’m going to give some advice if you are looking for an apprenticeship. In return please don’t ask me more about this than im posting here, dont ask me for an apprenticeship, and don’t be a douche and just start scratching out of your garage/kitchen/”home studio”.

DO’s

1. DO get into tattooing through an apprenticeship. Sure you could ‘figure it out” the same way you could “figure out” how to defuse a bomb. Its more likely that you will blow yourself up, and in tattooing you will be fucking up on real live humans who deserve better.

2. DO start the whole process by getting tattooed yourself! I mean a LOT. Sleeves, large work, all that. No one is born knowing what makes a good tattoo, its an acquired language, you need to be exposed to it personally before you even consider tattooing others. Besides, no tattooer worth a shit will even entertain the idea of apprenticing you if you don’t show your love for tattooing.

3. DO draw a lot. Draw everything. So you have gotten that one skull down pat? great, now draw a fairy, a beaver, a motorcycle, a flower, and a face. If all you can draw is skulls then you are useless as a tattooer.

4. DO read every book, magazine, and website on tattooing you can. Learn the history and mystique of tattooing. Respect for tattooing is worth a lot to a prospective mentor.

5. DO remain open minded about every kind of tattooing. Until you have 4 or 5 years under your belt you should be willing to do any and all tattoos that come your way and each one should be the best you possibly can. If its a taz, you better be willing to make that the best fucking Taz in history. You are not too good to do tribal or barbed wire, if you are then head your ass back to Wendys and flip some burgers.

6. DO get lots and lots of work from the person you plan on asking for an apprenticeship. Someone walking in cold and asking for an apprenticeship is all take, take, take. By getting work you show the tattooer you are serious, interested, and they have a chance to spend some time with you and a chance to gauge you dedication. Don’t treat tattooing like the kind of thing you drop off an application for, this isn’t a summer job, its a whole new life, treat it that way.

7. DO be willing to sacrifice. You might have to work at the shop for free and still keep a job on the side. You might have to move to a whole different city to find someone willing to apprentice you. You might be asked to do all kinds of menial shit like cleaning, running errands, dealing with customers. You should know going in that a LOT of guys in this art/business had to deal with a ton of abuse, exploitation, and hazing and many of them believe that is the correct way an apprenticeship goes. If you cant deal with some hard work, critiques,  and ball busting, don’t even bother.

8. DO understand that to be a tattooer is the gift of a lifetime of art, fun, hard work, and constant growth. Most tattooers feel that taking on an apprentice is special, its damn near sacred. Understand and respect what a huge amount of trust and respect taking you on as an apprentice is. Its not a job, its a life, if you don’t respect that then you will let your mentor and all of tattooing down.

DON’Ts

1. DONT waste our time telling us how much you want it, how many years you have dreamed of it (especially if you are only 18), don’t tell us how “good at it” your friend/mom/baby momma thinks you would be. Talk is cheap, show us by doing not saying.

2. DONT badmouth other tattooers, even if it is your prospective mentors worst enemy. being a shit talker is simply proof to that shop that you will one day, sooner or later, be shit talking them, too.

3. DONT ask via phone, email, internet, letter, do it in person or don’t bother. Anything else tells the tattooer that the gift of a tattoo life isn’t worth your time and personal appearance. An apprentice is an investment of time and effort, why would we give that to someone who cant even be bothered to talk to us in the flesh?

4. DONT show up without some artwork, DONT show up without some tattoos on your hide, DONT show up with an attitude.

5. DONT be surprised if you are asked to pay for your apprenticeship, especially if you don’t personally know the artist. There’s a lot of ways to weed out those who are not serious, paying for your apprenticeship is one of them. (BUT beware those shops who turn out 20 apprentices a year for money, chances are you will end up paying 5 grand to mop floors for 4 months and then get fired for some made up infraction)

6. DONT ask just anyone. Some tattooers cant tattoo, an apprenticeship with one of them is just the blind leading the blind. Educate yourself as to what a good tattoo looks like before you start asking around. In all seriousness, the book “The Complete Idiots Guide to getting a Tattoo” has some fantastic info on how to spot good work from bad. Learn the language a bit before you start asking.

7. DONT expect to start tattooing right away, there is a LOT of groundwork to do first. Lots of apprentices don’t even touch a machine for a year. No matte how good of an artist you are, tattooing is a skill acquired via repetition and practice, you will most likely be drawing a lot of roses and butterflies months before you tattoo even the most basic stuff.

8. DONT mistake the art of tattooing for an excuse to get up late, be lazy, dirty, drunk, high, or snotty. You must be your own taskmaster. A good blue collar attitude towards your apprenticeship will help you learn fast, thoroughly, and with respect from your peers. Don’t be just another snot-nosed, sideways baseball hat wearing, bigmouth tough-guy wannabe pussy-chasers. Treat tattooing like an art, not an excuse.

9. DONT be a know it all when you first go in. I promise you that anyone who has been tattooing for 7 or 8 years has forgotten more shit than you will ever know about tattooing. Don’t try to show how clever you are by dropping names of ‘famous” tattooers, trash talking , or bragging about how much your last tattoo cost.

lastly, BE CAREFUL!

1. BE CAREFUL of tattoo “schools’. They are a huge scam and not a single one is worth 2 shits.

2. BE CAREFUL of scumbag tattooers who see an apprentice as a way to get free money/labor/sex. Tattooing is wonderful, but nothing is worth being exploited, if you find yourself in that situation then get out, regroup, and start looking again. Never stay in a situation you feel is unsafe.

3. BE CAREFUL in learning the basics of cross contamination and how to maintain a safe relationship to the bloodbourne pathogens you will be encountering in tattooing. It wouldn’t hurt to read up on this stuff/take a class before you begin any apprenticeship.

4. BE CAREFUL to avoid the disease of ‘rock-starness”. Humility will carry you miles further in tattooing than all the talent in the world if its wasted on an egomaniac. Stay humble, know your real ability level, and don’t tackle stuff so far above your head that you (and your customer) will regret it.

5. BE CAREFUL of someone willing to take an apprentice who has less than 4 or 5 years under their belt. I didn’t take my (only) apprentice til i had 12 years of tattooing under my belt and almost none of us know enough about how we do what we do without many years of tattooing behind us.

Now good luck, don’t give up, and don’t fucking email me anymore about this stuff.

yer pal,

Jason

Skullerpuss vs. Seniorita muerte

Stephen Jay Gould was a brilliant essayist and scientist, an ardent Darwinist, he none the less felt it his duty to confront some of the unanswered questions in Darwins theory of Evolution. One of which is the fossil records annoying tendency to show long periods of stasis and then sudden (in geologic terms) appearances of modification in the same family of creature. In an effort to resolve this he posited and then went on to vigorously defend and provide evidence for what he termed “punctuated equilibrium”. Basically it turns out that species spend a relatively long period with only moderate changes visible, while generations of mainly uneventful mutations occur, it is only when these invisible mutations become so common that a wide swath of the species shares them that change becomes apparent, it appears to have happened suddenly even though the mutations leading up to these adaptations have been accruing for hundreds of generations.

Which is a very long winded way of saying that my tattooing seems to have its own periods of punctuated equilibrium. I feel like my work reaches a plateau of some sort and then for some time it feels like Im not getting any better, as if  my tattoos are simply holding the line not advancing technically or imaginatively. Yet, all the while, new ideas and tiny technical changes are gathering behind the scenes and then suddenly I’ll have a rash of really bad ass tattoos (in my humble opinion) and feel like my work has taken a giant leap forward.

This week was one of those weeks. First I finished this Skullerpuss.  .er. . . octoskull? Whatever.

We did the outline about 2 weeks ago and all the black shading. On the coloring session I had the idea to do the tentacles the same way I would color a traditional style snake body. In fact My intention at first was to keep the color palette really limited to the old school 3 color family (plus black), however the more i got into it the more I wanted to use some pastel type colors to contrast with all that flatness. I had a few moments of nervousness during this guy, wondering if i was fucking up by making all these Easter colors all over it, but in the end both myself and the customer dug on the result. I seldom have a fully rendered idea of what colors and ideas i want to put where, i feel like letting the piece (and customer) speak leads to more unexpected, and usually more amazing, results. its fun but it can also be nerve wracking to get to the end of a piece and have no idea what color the last bits need to be. Somehow it usually ends up being just right, like the old saying says “God protects idiots and children”. . .

A couple days later I got to finish a Day of the Dead-ish piece that was outlined a few weeks back. The customer brought in a tiny print out of a painting. The art was cool enough, but I felt like I could put a more tattoo-y twist on it so i redrew the thing from the ground up while still trying to keep that sense of tenderness and cuteness.

This was a long one, the coloring took over 5 hours but she sat like a champ and was game for any suggestions I had while still maintaining a sense of her own vision of the piece. I love when it feels like the customer and myself  are working together to accomplish some art instead of me trying to prevent them from wrecking their own work with ill thought out notions. Its a fine line, many many times a suggestion that I was not in agreement with has turned out to be better than any of my own ideas, so its important to keep an open ear and mind to the clients wishes and ideas.

I don’t mind admitting that I love both of these pieces, they are not perfect (but what is?) but they do represent another step forward in my own tattooing. Of late i have really felt that this kind of stuff is what I enjoy doing and seems to come out the best, and to that end Ive started to turn down work that i don’t feel I can really do ‘next-level’. There is a part of me that feels like this is cheating or ‘rock star’ but frankly after a dozen years tattooing anything and everything that walked in I think its time to get a little more picky. Im booked about 3 weeks ahead, and that’s plenty, If I cut back on the stuff Im not excited about i might only be booked 2 weeks ahead, but I will be excited about every piece and the end result is that the customers will get better tattoos.

So in the coming weeks Ill be changing up the way i do things a little, Ill be telling more folks ‘no’ and that kind of blows, but I think necessary if im going to stay as in love with tattooing as I am now.

Cara has been stepping her game up and is fearless. Ill be able to funnel a lot of the stuff I don’t feel like tackling anymore to her which will be nice for her continued improvement and customers will still get the quality and friendliness we strive to make out trademark. She seems so much more together at 27 than i ever was at the same time. Chronologically we may be 10 years apart, but I know that if i was her age she would be so far beyond me emotionally and intellectually that I wouldn’t be able to hang at all. As it is I still feel like I’m learning something wonderful every day I get to spend with her.

Enough rambling! Im out.

You smelt it, you felt it, you dealt it

It seems that the longer we live the more we should know, obviously if you have experience after experience one would assume that it all builds into some version of the truth, a foundation that we could use to maintain balance. Sadly, it seems like the opposite is true. As long as our lives are based on mistaken notions, it seems like suffering never ends.

It like an archer aiming an arrow the wrong direction, no amount of wind or luck is going to put the arrow on a true path to the bulls eye. If we begin with false notions our lives will go the same way. My daily Zazen feels like that archer re aiming his bow a little closer to the true direction. Each day a little more correction, A little adjustment, and hopefully the arrow flies in the right direction.

I find that I get annoyed with other peoples annoyance. its a bad habit that I’m really working hard on. When i read of some tattooer bitching about biting, or the ‘good ole’ days’ or how tattooing sucks now it frustrates me to a point that I am embarrassed to feel. I love tattooing and its given me back what Ive put into it time and time again so i suppose I feel defensive, but its not only that. I see these people as suffering and it annoys the shit out of me to see someone causing dissatisfaction to themselves and not even being aware that it comes from them! I hate to see the ‘out there’ blamed for what is clearly ‘in here’.

Of course, the fact that it bothers me is the same thing on my part. Sometimes Buddhism is a pain in the ass, you cant hide from bullshit of any kind, especially not your own!

In Buddhism we are continually reminded that compassion is not the same as pity. True compassion is feeling what others feel because you realise they are you and vice versa, its a recognition of the universal nature of their suffering. Pity, on the other hand, is simply feeling bad for others because they have it so bad compared to us. And its that comparison is the problem, we are elevating ourselves ( Ive got it so right) and lowering them (poor bastards don’t have what i do). Honesty, what I feel for other tattooers is pity and it makes me a little disgusted with myself.

Secondly, a wise person  (Cara) once told me “If you spot it, you got it” meaning that we we see a failing in another then 99% of the time its because we see that same failing in ourselves and don’t want to admit it! The clearest example of this is someone who gossips to someone else about how much a third person talks behind peoples backs! If you take the time to examine your own dislikes and the things that annoy or trouble us about others then it usually points to those same faults in yourself! How bad does that suck!? But the truth doest care if its easy or hard, it just is, the trick is training our minds to deal with it as it really is.We can take those wise words (if you spot it you got it) as a cue to examine ourselves when something annoys us about another person.

Obviously being disgusted by what Hitler did doesn’t mean we are all genocidal dictators, but if we get mad at a friend who complains too much what are the chances that we ourselves share the same trait? Pretty good, in my experience.

In this case I think its fairly clear that I have some firm notions about what is right and wrong in tattooing and am very opinionated about it, when i see this trait in others it irks me because , subconsciously at least, I’m seeing the same bitter quality in myself. Now that I am more aware of it I can work on it instead of contemplating what angry letters I’m going to write to tattoo magazines or post on tattoo forums I can sit with this part of myself and learn to accept my fellow tattooers with compassion instead of pity. I can try to re-aim the bow a little bit closer to the bulls-eye.